Jealous… Sigh

I’d been so excited all week to show Muffin “Despacito” and, when we watched the music video together… neither of us could stop staring at all of the artificial and stunning bodies…

Then he made a comment and I had to stay silent. I mean… my jealousy made me incredibly sad and… soon, I was trying to hide that I was crying while acting like everything was ok…

I’m working on becoming an Asian 2 to an Asian 6… which would make me an American 7-8. Being taller and thicker than most Asian (short, thin, petite) women, this is no easy task. I’m on the Dukan diet, a strict work out schedule, and I dream about McD fries but I wouldn’t dare. 

It’s been a month and I’ve lost 10 lbs. … 30 more lbs to go before I’m anywhere near an Asian 4. Toning and muscles, and maintaining curves will push me up to a 5… maybe a 6? … but those women.., they live a different life, are raised differently, and can afford enhancements… 

Muffin is a Hispanic 10… and an American 9-10. Him being with me confuses people, along with our general mix… Why a 10 would choose a 2 is… anyone’s guess and the source of all my insecurities…

We got to where we were going and then, he introduced me as his girlfriend to a mentor-like figure in his life. … After a good chat, I told him it was ok if he didn’t plan me into his future. To which, he stated that it was impossible to know anything for sure.

But… is it?

~ A Sad Day for Cupcake


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